


it's hard to miss you when you are always on the tip of my tongue

by doubleDerivative



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, babys first taz fic, lovers to friends to lovers again, not-so-platonic later tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 09:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25967440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubleDerivative/pseuds/doubleDerivative
Summary: When Lucretia fed the memories of the IPRE crew's journey to the Voidfish, there were a lot of things that were taken. But, some things, secret things, things left unsaid, unexplored, those things remained. Emotions are a fickle thing, even more fickle is the brain itself, especially when it comes to dreaming. Who says, somewhere deep in the crevices of the crew's subconscious, there weren't things that stuck, that made themselves known only when the line between subconscious thought and unconscious workings blurred?
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides & Taako, Magnus Burnsides/Taako
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	it's hard to miss you when you are always on the tip of my tongue

**Author's Note:**

> so quarantine gave me the proper time to binge literally all of the balance arc, so i might be late to the party, but goddammit, i have emotions about these stupid boys now. hopefully my adhd brain lets me finish this haha

Fragments of emotions. Blurry memories on the edge of a fuzzy consciousness. A bloom of warmth in his chest, of hot anger and of deep fondness, disappearing in an instant. These things are what knock Magnus Burnsides off his axis the first time he lays eyes on Taako, who glides seamlessly into the chair across from him like he was always meant to be there, eyes dark and unreadable in the low tavern light. He brushes it off, regaining his composure, and introduces himself warmly. When Taako spits out his own name with a huff, guarded and cold, Magnus takes a moment to roll it around in his own mouth for a second, feeling an urging at the back of his skull, a recognition he cannot place, and that anger welling in his chest again for a moment. He repeats it back to the elf, warm and questioning, who gives him an inscrutable look and purses his lips.

“Uh, yeah, don’t wear it out,” he drawls with a half-hearted sneer, to which Magnus smiles widely in return. The fragmented emotions and memories and half-understanding returns when he meets Barry and Merle, but the anger and the fondness were… unique to seeing Taako. He mentally brushes it off, no reason to really think about it… right?

He carries a certain uncertainty in his chest in the proceeding weeks, after joining the Bureau and slowly becoming closer with Merle and, less so, Taako, who remains as cold as when they met. Which is what leads to his immense surprise when, one night, he opens his eyes in the dark to see the standoffish elf peering at him from over his level of the bunk bed they reluctantly shared. He rubs at the sleep still in his eyes, noticing that Taako doesn’t move an inch even as he does, though he’s certain his darkvision would let him see perfectly.

“Taako?” he mumbled, a low, groggy growl caught in his throat. Taako stays quiet, only quietly sits on the edge of Magnus’s bed, slowly slipping a slender hand up toward Magnus’s neck. In the low light, Magnus barely sees Taako’s face twist as if he was… searching? It then occurs to Magnus that… Taako is looking for his pulse, or at least that’s the area where he currently feels fingers gently pressing into. He begins to pull away, looking relieved, but noticeably tenses for a split second before calming again as Magnus grabs his hand. This is the clearest Taako has worn his emotions on his face around Magnus… ever. He wonders if it’s because his not-quite-friend (yet) is tired or if he feels a sense of comfort in the fact that he assumedly wouldn’t be able to see. Either way, he can clearly make out the way his shoulders droop with stress, how tightly his well-defined jaw is clenched.

“You can talk about it, if you want,” Magnus offers in a whisper, absent-mindedly running a thumb over Taako’s knuckles. He watches the way his next breath makes his entire body move, doesn’t miss the slight tremble, before he shakes his head, “I should…” 

Taako’s voice cracks, and he shakes his head again. He freezes, perhaps considering his next move, before he slowly begins to lay next to Magnus, who moves closer to the wall obligingly. As Taako curls into Magnus’s chest and he wraps his arms around his smaller frame, a thought strikes Magnus.

“You want me to stay like this?” he asks softly, wanting to make sure he wasn’t accidentally… taking advantage of… Taako’s emotional state… the reasoning loses itself when he actually thinks it out, but it doesn’t matter. Taako just looks up at him with a dead-eyed stare, then nods against his chest. He’s less surprised when he feels a wetness blooming on his shirt, feels grasping at the fabric a bit lower than that, feels the reverberations of Taako’s shaky, desperate gasps for air throughout his body.

* * *

Taako opens his eyes, registering the pain throughout his body first and the cold, soft dirt beneath him second. His breath comes out as a pained whine, blood burbling in his lungs as he coughs up a decent amount of it, every cell in his body feeling like they’re combusting all at once. Unsteadily, he stands, using the cold metal hull of the ship to brace himself, and surveys his surroundings. A few feet in front of him, he sees Magnus and Merle locked in furious combat with… whatever it is, he can’t see it? Whatever.

He cranes his head to the top of this strange ship and sees… the Director and… Davenport? Someone, he can’t place their face, his eyesight becoming too blurry to tell, places themselves under his arm, giving him support, and he watches his hand move of its own volition upward, beginning to cast a spell in the direction of the invisible enemy Magnus and Merle are desperately trying to fend off. His ears ring, and he hears that he’s being talked to, hears himself respond, faintly, but can’t make out the words. He feels trapped, somehow, inside his own mind, like he’s a casual observer to his own actions.

He spits some excess blood out of his mouth, the acrid taste lingering on his tongue, and begins to cast another spell. Suddenly, Magnus is sent flying back at impossible speeds, slamming with a heavy thud into the ship a mere foot from himself. He hears himself yelp, feels something shatter and crack loudly as his knees slam into the ground, watches from his own head as he takes Magnus’s head in his hands. No pulse, he must’ve died on impact. The tears come quick and hot, streaming down his cheeks as his body was wracked by sobs.

He places Magnus’s head in his lap, combing through his hair, and looks up to see Merle dead on the ground a few feet out as well. Someone tries to pick him up off the ground, to get him to get back on the ship, but he turns and snaps at them.

“I’m not leaving him,” he screams, voice hoarse. The first clear thing he’s heard himself say the entire time. The hands retract as he continues his sobs, half-heartedly casting spells with one of his hands while the other cups Magnus’s face gently. A loud sound erupts around him, and he feels a burning pain, before the world goes black.

* * *

Taako’s breathing finally slows, and Magnus feels how the death grip on his shirt loosens. Magnus keeps his mouth shut, for once, leaving Taako space to organize his thoughts. 

“I had… a nightmare. I went to sleep because I was bored, honestly. And- and I just… I had to make sure it… it wasn’t real? It sounds really dumb, like, really really dumb, I know, because if you were dead-” Taako’s rambling is cut off by Magnus cupping his face gently, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I’m right here, ok? I’m not dead, and I don’t plan on dying any time soon,” Magnus offers as reassurance. Taako sighs deeply, pulling his mouth taught, mulling over his words and emotions. 

“I know… just… can I, uh,” he makes a point of not looking at Magnus directly, “can- can I,” but the words fail to come out, but Magnus understands. He gives a nod and an encouraging squeeze, finding Taako still pressing himself close when he relaxes. He thinks about the empty feeling in his chest that he’s carried since Julia, his heart, his everything, and… even before Julia. She filled that emptiness well enough… well, enough to make it hurt worse when she passed. 

Though they hadn’t been adventuring together long, he still felt that emptiness beginning to fill. From the occasional dry humor of the elf in his arms, to the weird thing with plants the dwarf in the other bunk had going on, each laugh he shared seemed to swell into the emotional cavity in his chest. He is brought back to the present moment by a muffled sound from below his chin, pulling back to allow Taako space to speak properly.

“Look, homie, I know that elves are, like, cool and shit about not breathing for longer than humans, but that doesn’t mean I want to suffocate, even if it is between your massive bara titties,” Taako huffs playfully, panting slightly. Magnus gives a sheepish smile, going to speak, before he hears rustling from the direction of Merle’s bunk, then a drowsy voice.

“‘f you two are fuckin’ over there, could you at least leave the room?” Merle slurs, making it a point not to turn over whatsoever. Taako claps a hand over a single, whining laugh, and Magnus snorts hard. Merle grunts, seemingly satisfied with the non-explanation, and falls dead asleep again.

After a moment, just to make sure, Magnus speaks, much quieter this time.

“Sorry, about suffocating you between- uh, with my chest.” 

Taako rolls his eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a barely repressed smile. He doesn’t reply, just buries his face into Magnus’s chest again, then looks back up to give him a devious smirk. Now it’s time for Magnus to roll his eyes, lips quirked in a crooked half smile. They lay in silence again for a moment, Magnus almost drifting off, before a cold hand touches his neck and he shivers, starkly awake once again. Taako recoils, looking elsewhere as if to hide what had happened, before looking at Magnus again. 

“Sorry, I just- I got nervous again- and I just wanted to… to check,” Taako trails off. Magnus smiles warmly, more than happy to stay up if Taako needs, and assures him so. Taako shakes his head, lips pursed, then slowly blinks. After a moment, he speaks again.

“I think… I would like that, not for too long, though- beauty sleep and all that.”

Magnus huffs a laugh, and they fall easily into a hushed rapport, sharing casual life stories and jokes. Taako tells a story about an experience on his show that has Magnus practically vibrating trying to contain his laughter. Magnus talks vaguely about Julia, mostly telling him about his experiences working in his apprenticeship. They go back and forth for close to an hour, before Taako says something that makes Magnus laugh a little too loud and Merle jumps down their throats. They share a few more, concealed snickers, before they’re once again in silence, but it’s much more comfortable this time.

Foreheads pressed together, Magnus stroking through Taako’s hair absentmindedly, Taako rubbing a thumb on Magnus’s cheek, legs since intertwined in order to make sure both of them can actually fit (or so they say). Taako nuzzles into Magnus’s chest, pressing as close as possible to him, and Magnus drapes one arm over Taako’s side, which earns a half-hearted whine, as it was the arm messing with Taako’s hair. Magnus doesn’t move the arm, however, and earns a more compelling whine, before he feels a hand trying to wiggle its way under his side, which he shifts to let under, and settles into a nice embrace. 

Taako shifts slightly, somehow getting even closer to Magnus, who wraps his arms tighter around his maybe-now-friend, relishing in the closeness the two of them have, even if just for this moment. That’s all he would need, he tells himself as warmth surges over him and he begins to drift from consciousness, just this one moment. 


End file.
